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May 15, 2012
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Look at her!
Go ahead stare
Her breast pressed up
Her legs bare
Around her time slows
Details are enhanced
Like how her skin glows
And when by chance
You manage to charm her
You find you cannot harm her
For under the glowing skin
There is a steel spirit within
When some how you melt the steel
Her heart will reveal
Endless strength reserves
Concealed by her luscious curves
When you get through the strength
you find at length
that pure bliss
after you finally kiss
and bit more
as you start to explore
you trade your trip to heaven's gate
for this girl, greatest of the great,
But are not upset or filled with regret
Nor shall you ever forget
When you saw there
Hair pined up, legs bare
On the end of the bed
Ready to give up her maiden head
Nervous? Of course you where
It was new for you, and her
You nearly didn't do it.
You very nearly blew it.
As you turned to say no
Got caught by her body's radiant glow,
Black hair up, black tank top nearly gone
Green-gray skirt that was barely on.
She closes her eyes
And slowly uncross her thighs
Her lips move part a crack
As she arches her back
The words slowly slip through
"I want you… I love you"
Suddenly the dam broke
Blush, gush,hush
And all in a rush
Your first time is done
Gone like the setting sun
But it will rise again another day
And on its way
You will have changed
No longer a boy but a man
Do anything, you know you can
The magic of youth is gone,
But you will carry on.
With the girl…No the woman
Together their new life began.
If you will split or if you will stay
I don't know. But on that day
You have made magic in your own special way
:icontfxman:
I really like how this work goes. It is just the first copy so please tell me what you like and what you would change. The more comments the better. This beautiful picture was taken by :SandyManase: I did get the okay from her to use it. Please look at her pictures they are all stunning.
Here is a link to her page [link]
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:iconchildofthebeat:
This is so beautiful! :heart:

For me it's nostalgic, tender, sweet, but sexy too - My heart is a little heavy with remembrance at innocence lost, time moved on, some measure of cynicism installed that I long to cast off... and see things anew through eyes like yours, (unhurt, unhardened?). Treasure this, for in days to come, you will think back, with a strange, inwards smile, and sigh... Or at least I do ;p. Beautiful memories of (only a few) wonderful girls that made life worth living, and at times form part of those few memories that help us to continue living it when going through darker times...

I just had one suggestion for improving the flow in the line: "The magic of youth is gone," would
'Youth's magic gone' work better with the next line? just a thought, I know these things can be very subjective...

Likewise with "No longer a boy but a man" maybe 'A boy no longer but a man'? Maybe it's my stylistic preference, but it really flows better, to me at least. Everything else is perfect as it is, to me...

Anyway, wonderful, wonderful poem, thank you so much for writing it! :love:
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:iconbloodrebel:
~Bloodrebel Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
An excellent poem.
Reply
:icontfxman:
=tfxman Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you flatter me l.
Reply
:iconbloodrebel:
~Bloodrebel Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I believed I should express my gratitude for a wonderfully written poem.
Reply
:icontfxman:
=tfxman Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you I am glad you think so.
Reply
:iconbloodrebel:
~Bloodrebel Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Not a Problem.
Reply
:iconevascripton:
It feels a bit flowery, especially considering the subject matter, like you tried to put too much into it, but that may just be due to the style. I think, if you're going to write such long works in this format, you should try breaking it up with either paragraphs or at least full stops, otherwise it feels a bit like you're rambling. Still, it's a sweet poem, you show a lot of talent.
Reply
:icontfxman:
=tfxman May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you? I guess lol
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:iconevascripton:
Creative critique! I meant it as a constructive compliment :)
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:icontfxman:
=tfxman May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Alliteration always alters my messed up mind.
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